I apologize for not being consistent with my posts. It’s a true shame and without a real excuse since it’s not for lack of thoughts and ideas. So, enough of lamenting the time lost and not writing, onto what you’re more interested in – Grief.
Recently, my pastor did a sermon on the topic of grief and I found it incredibly compelling. I don’t even know exactly why. I don’t necessarily have many griefs at this time. In fact, I am in a rather fruitful and happy place in life. But what I believe his sermon did was open up the box of memories in my heart, and I was allowed a time of reflection on griefs I’ve grieved and griefs that may not completely be spent. If you’re a woman, you’ll understand a bit better – everything connects to another – and memories are no exception. It’s hard to sometimes isolate the source of a thought or a feeling and it can be down right maddening when you can’t identify the source of a pain.
As Pastor R. preached, I sat thinking of all the grief periods in my life and the disappointments I’ve endured. Don’t get me wrong, Pastor R. never encouraged self-pity or wallowing in tears. But he made an argument for the necessity of grief in life and it relieved me in a lot of ways. He criticized that America is a society that teaches to stuff the negativity and the sadness in our lives. We shove it aside, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and we suck it up. “Of course, I do,” I silently thought to myself. But I realized this was probably not a good thing as I listened to his tone and intonation. For the first time I think in my life, I truly felt like not only was grieving a healing process, but a necessary one and a Biblical blessing. As I sat and listened, I found myself letting down a guard I have had for years, and to my surprise it was a guard I had even put up between me and God. I found myself apologizing to Him for not allowing Him to come into those times of grief and do his job as The Comforter. For too many years had I believed that Grief and I were one-on-one combatants that I would have to put up a tough fight and find myself exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I had never realized this was never a battle I was meant to either flee from or fight alone.