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Always Writing

What I learned Yeserday | What I write Today | What I hope for Tomorrow

Month

November 2014

Don’t Watch Your Step

Today has been sublime. Spent most of last night in bed, by a cool window, curled in blankets and tasty beverage and a marathon on Netflix of Pretty Little Liars, and this rolled into this morning when I lazily didn’t even shower and dress until about 1130am. And after being told not to come into the office today since the crew would be away, I took the chance to visit a coffee house I’d heard of in the same area. It is very pleasant and they are blasting an assortment of Christmas music – jazzy, contemporary, Christian, silly – and between a comfy chair, tasty pastry, and a dim lit hall, it creates that writer’s paradise. I am sad to be leaving shortly, which is why I had to get this out before I have to pack up my bag and leave.

And let me preface this: do pay attention to signage. 99% of the time it’ll help you avoid a mishap, like tripping, falling, dying – seriously, stay behind the lines at cliff’s edges. I am a rule follower and definitely watch my step, and encourage you to do the same – BUT – here’s some stuff that counters my normal thought on these sort of signs.

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So, I am looking at this door that says “Watch Your Step,” and think “Hm.” I feel like I’ve spent a lot of my life doing just that – watching each step. Head down, eyes fixed on the floor below me, and if it seemed unsafe, I’d step to the side, if it began it begin to fall out from under my foot, I’d freak, if it felt unstable, I’d freeze – so I feel like I’ve followed directions very well, but feel no safer, or better for doing so. In fact, I usually am fretting over the next step I should take.

If you’ve read any of my other entries, you’ll see a roller coaster like pattern of my reaction to life, for which I am not always proud of. I’ve always heard it’s better to respond than to react, and I believe this, but have done a lousy job of adhering to the proverb. In fact, I am seeking some pro-help to see if I can better pin down my anxiety and stress issues. However, looking at this sign has given me an insight into myself I hadn’t realized.

I am far too concerned with each of my steps and have to know every detail behind each step I do take. I have spent too much time looking down at my feet, fearing the future, fearing my steps, fearing falling – all because I have watched each step I take. This is completely contradictory to my belief of God’s control over my life, he directs me and leads me, or so he should – I often look down at the ground just to make sure it’s still there though – ugh. It has been a life struggle of mine to not worry, but every day God is faithful and patient and awaits for the breakthrough when I stop worrying about each step I take and trust him to guide me.

I feel very much like Peter in the moment after he began walking on water toward Jesus, and then suddenly began to doubt and began to sink. He for sure was a bit nervous, stepping out of that boat, but his worry was overcome with the joy of following after his Master. He was too excited to worry about his steps – ON WATER – HELLO – if this man can focus enough on Jesus where he didn’t watch his steps on the water, then what is holding me back from having the same faith to follow after my Master (on LAND)? In fact, it was in the moment Peter noticed the waves, the uneasiness that comes with walking on water (or so I assume it’d feel, no idea though), the moment he watched his steps and look at his circumstances did he begin to fall. But Jesus caught him.

Because Peter didn’t watch his step, he was able to do the impossible because he was too busy looking at Jesus. I want to do the same. I want to even just master walking on dry land! I struggle with that, I can’t see how I’ll walk on water anytime soon with me and my little faith.

I want to stop worrying about the waves and wind in my life and focus only on Jesus. I want the author and perfecter of Faith to call me out of my boat and walk toward him. I will be so excited to finally be able to step out of my comforts, I won’t even realize I’m standing on water and walking freely toward Him! And I certainly won’t be worried about watching my step.

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Also, The Overall Company in Opelika, AL is grand, take a visit y’all.

Admission of Omission

If you’re a writer of the 21st century and had a computer back to the days of dial up you probably are aware of a little thing called NaNo – National Novel Writing Month that comes around every November. This year I swore to be good and force myself to sit, write, and work at it, even if it meant not eating, sleeping, or functioning normally. Well, another year has come and 15 days into NaNo I have a grand total of 6,000 words that I copy and pasted from a novel I’ve had buried since 2009. It’s quite embarrassing to admit and I loath the fact I have not been better. Maybe someone can make me feel better and admit to this grievous sin as well.

At this point, I feel rather failure-ish as a writer, though I know that’s not at all true. And if you’ve been feeling that vibe of yourself, whether you’re a NaNo enthusiast or not, but are in a rut about your writing, read on, and scoot over so I can sit beside you in your rut.

Why haven’t I been writing? Well, maybe you’ll identify with my list of excuses:

Time

The biggest thing of all, it’s the most wayward friend we have and sometimes it’s on our side and most of the time it’s not.

Work

Go ahead, shoot me for this one. Of course we all have our day job(s), and I have 4 I get officially paid for and 2 I do because I’m nice and desperate to fill my portfolio.

Lack of Ideas

I have run into the biggest wall, as many of you understand and for about three years, there’s been little to tear it down, so who knows when for this particular tale I will be able to push through and continue.

Lack of Motivation

I think this is more or less me whining, but after completing my tasks for my four other gigs, I am just totally drained of anything to want to focus and concentrate on formulating any more original thoughts. Writing is my passion, but it’s not my lifeblood. Maybe it should be.

Other Road Blocks

And here comes another admission: I have a lot of baggage left unchecked and so I’m looking at finding a little help to check it all in so it can finally check out and I can check off this weight on my shoulders.

I hope this is doesn’t discourage anyone. If anything, I hope other writers find some solace to know that just because you don’t participate in NaNo doesn’t mean you aren’t a writer, or a worthy one. Life doesn’t always allow for us to always write when we want to write, but it doesn’t mean we stop or think it’s merely our hobby. If it’s your passion, if you have a story to tell, you can and one day will. NaNo’s will come and go, but you’re a writer year round.

Rut Buddies Unite

I’m tired of our ruts, so let’s help each other out, so stand on my shoulders and I’ll help you out if you can lend a hand down to me and pull me up.

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